So you have just read the 1st email and after no response this crazy, crazy man sent just one last note to his fallen angel...
wait just please read this and then I won't bother you anymore > Sent: Monday, August 27, 2007 11:38 PM> Sarah, I know you think I'm an asshole and I know you don't care what I > have to say, and I don't blame you, but please just read this.... This is > why I acted the way I did, though it's not really an excuse, I guess.... > 8 months ago I was in the best shape of my life, I was working out hard > and eating really good... But then I got the worst news anyone would ever > want to hear... The doctor said, "I'm sorry, but you have cancer" > Suddenly everything changed, and I kept thinking, " I'm not even married, > I have no kids, and everything I worked for would be for nothing"...I felt > swept right off my feet and I was devastated, you can only imagine the > anxiety I had.... How could this be?? I never drank much, I never > smoked and I always ate right.....I was actually embarassed to even tell > anyone.... So I had to have surgery and they cut my guts open to cut the > cancer out, and then they said it was a good idea for me to go on > chemo.... They said my chances of living another 5 years was 80 % without > chemo, and 90% with chemo....basically they said that if the cancer had > already metastisized to the lungs or the liver there would be no cure and > I would die young.....and it happens in either 20 or 10% of cases.... So > this almost broke me emotionally, as you might guess.....I had to take > zanex everyday and night just to stop the anxiety.... If it happend to me > it could happen to anyone... I was completely healthy, or so I thought.... > Taking 6 months of chemo was the worst experience of my life, even though I > had no loss of hair for whatever reason, but I wouldn't wish it on my > worst enemy..... So I fought back hard and I delt with it and I only > missed a few day's of work.... You don't know how stong you have to be to > fight back, to get out of bed everyday and and say " fuck you cancer, > you're not defeating me"..... And while I was on the chemo, I said to > myself, if I ever get better I'm never going to take anyone or anything for > granted, everyday would be a beautiful gift.... So my last chemo was not > even 2 months ago, and the doctor said I did well on it and I can still > have kids eventually and most likely I will be ok and live to be old and > the cancer is not coming back. He said it was probably just a once in a > life time cellular mistake but he said he still can't be totally certain > I'm cured for good..... I still have to wait 5 years to be totally certain > the cancer is not coming back, and undergo all kinds of tests..... Do know > what that does to you emotionally??? Waiting to find out if you might die > an agonizing death at a young age??? It scares the fuck out of you, that's > what it does.... but I think I'm going to be ok..... So when I met you, > you looked like the most beautiful angel to me, the most beautiful angel > that could never be taken for granted.... Every second with you was the > most beautiful time I ever had in my life.... Being with you was the > biggest high for me, better than any drug could ever be.... Just listening > to you and being with you was so easily addicting, I can't even explain > it... No one can appreciate you the way I can, after dealing with what I had > to deal with, no one.....So I was spitting out my feelings to you > constantly, but I never would have done that 9 months ago.... I wanted > your emotional support so much that I didn't even realize how bad I > sounded..... I'm not the psycho maniac that you think I am..... I'm just > very scared after having this bad experience, and I know anyone would be > too... So please don't judge me by that stupid drunken outburst, I > became insecure, impulsive and obsessive, and I couldn't help it..... I > thought about you nonstop that weekend and I couldn't handle not hearing > from you..... I know it was wrong and I'm sorry..... You can't imagine how > having had cancer affects your thinking.....I'll never be the same...It's > like I'm having two lives in one lifetime, the one before cancer and now > the one after..... I want everything now, not tommorow, because I'm not > sure if there will be a tommorow......I wanted you immediately..... It was > to the point of craziness ..... You did something that no other woman > could ever do, you drove me absolutely crazy, just being with you for only > one night....I'd give anything to see you again, and I'd give anything for > that second date..... I'm sorry to have bothered you, I'm sorry to have > made you upset.... I just want you to know that I was a normal guy once > but now I'm trying to survive this miserable, miserable ordeal..... Can > you understand?? So I won't bother you anymore if that's what you want, > I will leave you alone from here on because I understand you're not > interested in me.....but I just want you to understand why I acted the way I > did.... Goodbye my beautiful angel, I'm going to regret driving you away > forever..... I'm going to have to force myself to forget you.... You don't > know how many times you made me cry in the last week.... I'm sorry > Sweetie.... I hope you have a beautiful life....> >
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